Another trick to make conflict suck less

The tool I want to mainly discuss here is something I call: The “We’re On The Same Team” sandwich (AKA the WOST Sandwich). It’s a technique designed to help both parties think in a more collaborative mindset instead of a competitive mindset, which is much likelier to yield higher quality solutions as well as just being more pleasant and connecting overall. The other thing I like about it is that it helps you still get your point across while giving you as good a chance as possible of feeling heard by the other person.

Ashley KirsnerMay 26, 2021fight, fighting, in a fight, Skip the Small Talk, Skip the Small Talk blog, Skip the Small Talk blog post, Skip the Small Talk blogpost, conflict, how to make conflict suck less, another trick to make conflict suck less, fighting legos, Legos fighting, WOST Sandwich, WOST, We're On The Same Team, We're On The Same Team Sandwich, we're on the same team, we're on the same team sandwich, persuasion, how to convince someone, how to convince someone you're right, how to convince someone that you're right, how to be persuasive, how to persuade someone, how to persuade, primacy, primacy effect, recency, recency effect, primacy and recency effect, primacy and recence, primacy and recency effects, memory, remember, negativity, negativity bias, positive framing, positive reframing, cognitive reframing, emotional right-of-way, how to write more authentic e-mails, WOST sandwich, agree, disagree, agree to disagree, how make conflict feel less bad, how to fix conflict, how to resolve conflict, resolve conflict, conflict resolution, jousting, jousting legos Comment

How NOT to support a friend

In light of my last blog post about how to support others, I wanted to also share one of the most common pitfalls that I often notice when people try to offer support to others. It’s a mistake that’s usually well-meaning, but its impact can add to the burden of the people you’re trying to support: taking the side of someone who’s not there.

How to support a friend

Every so often, I’ll see some content floating around the internet encouraging people to ask their friends and loved ones how they’d like to be supported.

I think that’s a great conversation to have, but in practice, it’s often best to have that conversation **before** anybody actually needs support. If your friend is crying on your couch, that’s often NOT the time to ask them how they prefer to be supported; people who are actively in pain often are not in a state to do the mental work required to educate others on how to best support them.

So, how are you supposed to know what to do when your friend IS crying on your couch? I’ve gathered some tips here based primarily on my suicide hotline training.

Ashley KirsnerApril 8, 2021support, how to support a friend, how to listen, listening, how do I support my friend, how do I support my grieving friend, how can I support, how can I be more supportive, how can I be supportive, Maslow, Maslow's hierarchy, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, validate, validation, validating, reflect, reflection, reflecting, open-ended questions, strategic open-ended questions, strength-based, strengths-based, make people feel heard, how to make people feel heard, how to help people feel heard, how to help someone feel ehard, how to help someone feel heard, suicide hotline, what do they teach you at a suicide hotline, suicide hotline training, difficult conversations, how to have a difficult conversation, how to have a hard conversation, how do i have a hard conversation, how do i have a difficult conversation, problem-solving, self-care, self-compassion, Skip the Small Talk, Skip the Small Talk blog, Skip the Small Talk blogpost, Skip the Small Talk blog post, how can I be a better friend, I want to be a better friend, I want to be a better boyfriend, how do I be a better boyfriend, how can I support my girlfriend, how do I support my girlfriend, how do I support my boyfriend, how can I support my boyfriend, how can I be there for, how can I be there for my friend, how can I be there for my friends, how can I be there for my girlfriendComment

The surprising secret to productivity

If you’re American, chances are that you’re bad at resting.

It’s not your fault; it’s deeply engrained in American culture that we need to “earn” our rests.

But we have it backwards.

We can’t expect to be productive in order to earn our rests; we actually NEED rest FIRST in order to be productive.

Ashley KirsnerMarch 10, 2021productive, productivity, hacks, productivity hacks, Skip the Small Talk, Skip the Small Talk blog, Skip the Small Talk blogpost, Skip the Small Talk blog post, blog, blog post, blogpost, psychology, psychology research, alone with my thoughts, alone with your thoughts, meditation, meditating, rest, restfulness, sleep, get enough sleep, meditate, resting, art, capitalism, American culture, America, American, how to be more productive, how to be productie, how to be productive, how can I be productive, how can I be more productive, I feel distracted, distracted, distractions, how to lower distractions, how to get rid of distractions, work, workplace, workplace advice, work advice, how to do better at work, how to be a better worker, how to be a better employee, how to add value, how to add more value, add value, add more value, take a break, how to take a break, how to rest, how to get rest, doodling, spending time in nature, nature, the surprising secret to productivity, secret to productivity, productivity hack, how to be more productive at work, capitalist Comment

How to apologize: The ultimate template

I love the above quote from Dr. Lauren Appio. I think it’s important for all of us to accept that for as long as we are alive, even when we don’t mean to, we are going to say things that hurt people. It’s not a matter of “if,” but “when.”

So, whether you’ve said something less-than-kind to a loved one or you’ve used the wrong pronoun for an acquaintance, here are some guidelines for how to respond.

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Three tips for surviving the holidays

Whether you’re spending the holidays with family, with friends, or with yourself this year, your celebrations probably won’t live up to the impossibly wholesome fireside gatherings that the media depicts as the norm. Well, the good news is that no matter how many pictures of glistening ham you see on Instagram, nobody else’s holiday is going to be perfect, either. So, we’ve come up with some tips for making the most out of your holidays, whatever they look like.

Ashley KirsnerDecember 21, 2017holidays, holiday, Christmas, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Hanukkah, Chanukkah, Happy Chanukkah, boundaries, setting boundaries, how to set boundaries, how to have boundaries, how to have a healthy relationships, how to connect, family, how to be with family, self-care, mindful, mindfulness, mindful acceptance, mindfully accept, three tips for surviving the holidays, survive the holidays, how to survive the holidays, depression, sad, lonely, I feel lonely, feel lonely, Skip the Small Talk, Skip the Small Talk blogpost, Skip the Small Talk blog, Skip the Small Talk blog post, missed my flight, anxiety, Maslow's hierarchy, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, Maslow, boundary, set boundary, how to connect with family, visiting family, without going crazy, party, holiday party, holiday party ideas, Christmas party, Christmas party ideas, Hanukkah party, Hanukkah party ideas, hosting a party, host a party, how to host a partyComment

Do you know how to "be yourself?" The question that will help you be authentic even when the stakes are high

“Just be yourself!”
“Don’t worry about what other people think of you!”
“Dance like nobody’s watching!”
“To thine own self be true.”

We consume these truisms from the moment our infant brains can understand them and we don’t stop until we’ve seen one too many cliché-littered Pinterest boards. But the reality is, if you’re flailing your limbs on the dance floor without a single thought of who’s watching, or who’s within arm’s reach, you might accidentally smack someone in the face. How do you dance like you’re aware that people are watching, but you know that you’re dancing for yourself, and not for them? How can you think about the space you're taking up on the dance floor without having it affect your self-expression? How soon until we're done with this metaphor? It's important to "be true to yourself," but if you’re not thinking about how others respond to your behavior, you might be missing out on opportunities to connect, and you may even hurt others or yourself in the process.

The conversation hack you've never heard of

Imagine you’re in an animated conversation with someone. You both laugh at something together, but then your chuckles trail off and you’re left in silence. What now?

Do you say something immediately? Do you wait for the other person to say something, no matter how long that takes? Do you jump in with whatever enters your head? Of course, it likely differs from situation to situation, but you probably average some number of seconds before you say something new if the other person doesn’t say anything, and you probably don’t stray too far from that average too often.

What to do about anger

Has your anger ever led to an action you regretted? Maybe you sent a text you didn’t feel great about, maybe some words came out of your mouth more harshly than you’d intended, or maybe your anger came out sideways and you spent some time silently fuming and distracted from your everyday life. Since anger can compel you to take action before thinking, it can be useful to have some tools ready for the next time you’re feeling peeved.

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TIPS, STORIES, AND insPiration