Posts tagged support
How NOT to support a friend
How NOT to support a friend

In light of my last blog post about how to support others, I wanted to also share one of the most common pitfalls that I often notice when people try to offer support to others. It’s a mistake that’s usually well-meaning, but its impact can add to the burden of the people you’re trying to support: taking the side of someone who’s not there.

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Ashley Kirsnerhow to support others, support, validation, validate, validate feelings, validating feelings, how to validate feelings, reflection, self-reflection, open-ended questions, how to ask open-ended questions, how can I support my friend, how can I support my girlfriend, how can I support my boyfriend, how do I support my friend, how do I support my boyfriend, how do I support my girlfriend, how do I support my grieving friend, taking sides, taking the side of someone who's not there, Skip the Small Talk blog, Skip the Small Talk, Skip the Small Talk blogpost, Skip the Small Talk blog post, how NOT to support a friend, how not to support a friendComment
How to support a friend
How to support a friend

Every so often, I’ll see some content floating around the internet encouraging people to ask their friends and loved ones how they’d like to be supported.

I think that’s a great conversation to have, but in practice, it’s often best to have that conversation **before** anybody actually needs support. If your friend is crying on your couch, that’s often NOT the time to ask them how they prefer to be supported; people who are actively in pain often are not in a state to do the mental work required to educate others on how to best support them.

So, how are you supposed to know what to do when your friend IS crying on your couch? I’ve gathered some tips here based primarily on my suicide hotline training.

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Ashley Kirsnersupport, how to support a friend, how to listen, listening, how do I support my friend, how do I support my grieving friend, how can I support, how can I be more supportive, how can I be supportive, Maslow, Maslow's hierarchy, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, validate, validation, validating, reflect, reflection, reflecting, open-ended questions, strategic open-ended questions, strength-based, strengths-based, make people feel heard, how to make people feel heard, how to help people feel heard, how to help someone feel ehard, how to help someone feel heard, suicide hotline, what do they teach you at a suicide hotline, suicide hotline training, difficult conversations, how to have a difficult conversation, how to have a hard conversation, how do i have a hard conversation, how do i have a difficult conversation, problem-solving, self-care, self-compassion, Skip the Small Talk, Skip the Small Talk blog, Skip the Small Talk blogpost, Skip the Small Talk blog post, how can I be a better friend, I want to be a better friend, I want to be a better boyfriend, how do I be a better boyfriend, how can I support my girlfriend, how do I support my girlfriend, how do I support my boyfriend, how can I support my boyfriend, how can I be there for, how can I be there for my friend, how can I be there for my friends, how can I be there for my girlfriendComment
How to be lonely
How to be lonely

America is incredibly lonely, but social norms and the nature of loneliness, itself, can make it difficult for people to take the actions that make them feel more connected to others; loneliness can lead to a feedback loop in which feelings of isolation make you perceive the world in ways that lead you to feel even lonelier.


Since this leaves a lot of folks feeling trapped in their loneliness and unable to see a way out, we decided to develop some activities to help break the cycle.

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Ashley Kirsnerlonely, loneliness, isolation, psychology, research, how to, suicide hotline, self-care, support, cognitive behavioral therapy, CBT, dialectical behavior therapy, DBT, psychology research, social isolation, feelings, how to be lonely, how to improve communication, skip the small talk, Skip the Small Talk, STST, stst, social cognitions, social cognitions about loneliness, connectedness, connection, what to do when you feel lonely, what to do when lonely, what to do when you're lonely, how can I feel less lonely, what can I do to feel less alone, alone, how to ask for help, talk big, talk big not small, relationship, relationships, managing relationshipsComment