The Vulnerability Paradox

Have you ever felt comfortable telling something intimate to your hair stylist or bartender or ride-share driver, and then finding yourself feeling warm toward them, and perhaps inclined to tip more? Have you ever developed strong feelings for someone you were dating in a low-stakes context, like someone you knew you didn’t want to be with long-term? Then you are likely familiar with what I’ve deemed “the vulnerability paradox.” According to the vulnerability paradox, a pattern I’ve noticed in myself and others, it’s often easier to open up to those we are not relatively close to, yet, the very act of opening up brings us closer.

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How to ask for emotional support without ruining your relationships

I’ve always been a “friend-group therapist.” Even as my social network has morphed over time, the one constant is that for better or for worse, people seem to come to me for help with their struggles more often than they go to others. It’s been that way ever since I was in grade school, when my crush looked to me for advice about whether or not he should tell HIS crush that he was really into her (ouch).

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The four words that change the way people talk to you

Imagine you’re hanging out with a friend.

You’ve been chatting for a bit, and they reveal something more vulnerable about themselves than they usually discuss with you. Maybe it’s admitting that they feel lonely at work, or maybe it’s talking about their history with depression. Whatever it is, it’s a level or two deeper than your usual conversations.

How do you respond?

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If you have trouble skipping the small talk, this might explain why

I recently found myself in two almost identical social situations with one small difference that changed everything about the way the interaction went down.

A few months ago, I had some new friends over my house when one of my friends took advantage of a brief silence:

“Can I ask you all a weird question?”

We all nodded and leaned forward a tiny bit in our chairs.

“Is a hamburger a sandwich?”

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