5 minutes a night to get you happier and less stressed

Not a lot of people know this about me, but I once took an eight-week class about how to cope with chronic pain. The class was run by a hospital, and everything they taught was based in science. I was attending because I had hit my head, and it had led to a slew of health problems, a lot of which entailed chronic pain. That class ended up not only reducing my pain, but also left me feeling happier and more peaceful in general.

One of the tools I learned in the class was intended to decrease stress, anxiety, and depression, and it was the simplest, most elegant nightly activity that I’d never heard of before. So, I thought I’d share it with you. If you have five minutes to spare each night, you can totally do this in bed on your phone (I know, I know, we’re not supposed to be on our phones before bed, but do what you gotta do), or write it in a notebook if you prefer.

Here’s the exercise. Feel free to write down the answers to these wherever it’s convenient for you, and do your best to do this every night.

Why you need self-compassion in your life and how to do it (even when you don’t want to)

At Skip the Small Talks, we ask attendees to have compassion for others and for themselves as they try out new ways to hold conversations. It’s probably obvious why we care about people having compassion for each other at an event where strangers are getting to know each other for the first time, but equally if not more important in that context is self-compassion. That’s because any attempt at change or improvement generally goes much more smoothly if you’re not beating yourself up after every setback. Connecting genuinely often requires taking some risks (like sharing things that feel a little vulnerable), and having compassion for yourself when those risks don’t pan out the way you hope can help you continue taking some risks in the long-term, and can help make the learning process easier for you in the short-term.

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How to talk about your accomplishments without sounding like a jerk

So you just got a promotion, or maybe you got a nice compliment from a passing stranger on your outfit, or maybe you won a free cruise. It’s human to want to tell people about the cool stuff that’s happened to you. It can amplify your excitement to share with someone who “gets it,” and it can help inspire and motivate others who hear about your successes. But nobody wants to seem like a jerk, and more importantly, you probably don’t want to make other people feel badly if they find themselves comparing their lives to this great thing that just happened to you. That’s why we’ve put together some tips for sharing the good stuff without making other people feel badly.

Five Thanksgiving icebreakers that don't suck

Ah, the holidays: A time when we hope our lives will look like those wholesome cartoon specials we watched as children, but also a time when anxieties about getting stuck in conversation with people who hold different political and moral ideologies might keep you from doing that happy dance from A Charlie Brown Christmas.

This Thanksgiving, we encourage you to take some time to connect with others in ways that feel authentic without feeling emotionally exhausting. To help the conversation flow, we offer you some ice-breakers that will get others to share about themselves while subtly nudging everyone’s mood in a positive direction. So if you do end up having the “here’s why racism is bad” conversation with Uncle Joe, you’ll have a buffer of positive experience--and perhaps some common ground--that’ll make it easier for you to communicate with one another.

A simple way to take your relationships up a notch (or five)

Five to one: According to one of the most prominent social scientists in the field of romantic relationships, John Gottman, that’s the ratio of positive to negative interactions in stable relationships. Couples were significantly less likely to get a divorce when they had about five positive interactions for every negative interaction they had.

Ashley KirsnerJuly 20, 2017Skip the Small Talk, how to skip the small talk, relationship, relationships, relationship advice, romantic relationship, romantic relationships, boyfriend, girlfriend, romance, how to keep the spark alive, how to have long-lasting relationships, better relationships, deeper relationships, relationship health, the secret to long-lasting relationships, healthy relationships, healthy relationship, managing relationships, how to make your relationships healthy, how to keep your relationships, how to make your relationships last, how to make your relationships last forever, how to make my relationship last, long-lasting relationships, relationship risks, gratitude, how to keep your boyfriend, how to keep your girlfriend, how to keep your friends, how to keep your significant other, how to keep your wife, how to keep your husband, John Gottman, relationship science, better communication, communication, communication skills, how to communicate better, how to have better conversations, positive reinforcement, positive, positive psychology, positive feedback, how to deepen your relationships, deep relationships, I love how you, happy, how to have a happy relationship, relationship ratio, magic relationship ratio, strong relationships, strong marriage, stable relationship, stable relationships, stable marriage, stable marriages, how to take your relationship up a notch, take your relationship up a notchComment

The four words that change the way people talk to you

Imagine you’re hanging out with a friend.

You’ve been chatting for a bit, and they reveal something more vulnerable about themselves than they usually discuss with you. Maybe it’s admitting that they feel lonely at work, or maybe it’s talking about their history with depression. Whatever it is, it’s a level or two deeper than your usual conversations.

How do you respond?

Ashley KirsnerMarch 7, 2017communication, feedback, honesty, honest, get people to be more honest, get people to tell the truth, get people to open up, getting people to open up, vulnerable, vulnerability, gratitude, open, openness, active listening, thanks for telling me, thanks for sharing, thank you for sharing, s, skip the small talk, skipping the small talk, psychology, Skip the Small Talk, STST, how to skip the small talk, how to get people to open up, how to get people to open up to you, how to make friends, how to meet new people, healthy relationships, healthy relationship, how to make my relationship last, how to talk to people, how to improve communication, communicate, how to communicate, thank you for telling me, get people to tell you the truth, how to get people to tell you the truth, how to get people to be honest with you, how do i get people to be more honest with me, relationships, relationship, how to have a healthy relationship, how to have healthy relationships, how to have healthier relationships, talk big, talk big not small, how to have real conversations, conversation starters, conversation, conversations Comment

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