Three relationship tips you won’t find in Cosmo

Whether you’re looking for a good fit with a friend, a romantic partner, or even a new workplace, you’ve probably heard tips like “communication is key” and “stick with someone/somewhere that encourages you to grow” and “go with your gut.” Sometimes even those clichés can be useful, but there are some other “tells” about how any given relationship is going that can be easy to miss if you’re not looking for them, especially since they aren’t as culturally emphasized as platitudes like “follow your heart.” Of course, these aren’t going to be the *only* things you should pay attention to, but they can all be easy to overlook, particularly if you are focusing some portion of your energy on appearing desirable to the other person/ workplace/ whatever.

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A simple way to take your relationships up a notch (or five)

Five to one: According to one of the most prominent social scientists in the field of romantic relationships, John Gottman, that’s the ratio of positive to negative interactions in stable relationships. Couples were significantly less likely to get a divorce when they had about five positive interactions for every negative interaction they had.

Ashley KirsnerJuly 20, 2017Skip the Small Talk, how to skip the small talk, relationship, relationships, relationship advice, romantic relationship, romantic relationships, boyfriend, girlfriend, romance, how to keep the spark alive, how to have long-lasting relationships, better relationships, deeper relationships, relationship health, the secret to long-lasting relationships, healthy relationships, healthy relationship, managing relationships, how to make your relationships healthy, how to keep your relationships, how to make your relationships last, how to make your relationships last forever, how to make my relationship last, long-lasting relationships, relationship risks, gratitude, how to keep your boyfriend, how to keep your girlfriend, how to keep your friends, how to keep your significant other, how to keep your wife, how to keep your husband, John Gottman, relationship science, better communication, communication, communication skills, how to communicate better, how to have better conversations, positive reinforcement, positive, positive psychology, positive feedback, how to deepen your relationships, deep relationships, I love how you, happy, how to have a happy relationship, relationship ratio, magic relationship ratio, strong relationships, strong marriage, stable relationship, stable relationships, stable marriage, stable marriages, how to take your relationship up a notch, take your relationship up a notchComment

The secret to long-lasting relationships

What do the following have in common?

A “define the relationship” conversation with a crush
Mentioning to your roommate that you never check your Facebook messages
Telling your friend that the way he acts when he’s angry is scary to you

Ashley KirsnerMay 22, 2017Skip the Small Talk, healthy relationships, relationships, relationship health, romantic relationships, platonic relationships, friends, friendships, how to make friends, how to have better relationships, better relationships, relationship, relationship advice, healthy relationship, deeper relationships, managing relationships, how to go deeper, going deeper, how to have a deep conversation, how to have a hard conversation, hard conversation, hard conversations, conversations, conversation, communication, communication problems, how to communicate, how to communicate better, communicating, communicate, communication skills, how to improve communication, having communication problems, metaconversation, metaconversations, meta-conversation, meta-conversations, skip the small talk, how to skip the small talk, learn how to skip the small talk, real talk, deep conversation, deep conversations, how to have deep conversations, how to talk about something hard, how to bring up something hard, how to bring up something hard to your boyfriend, how to bring up something hard to your girlfriend, romantic relationship, girlfriend, girlfriends, boyfriend, boyfriends, romantic partner, romantic partners, significant other, how to keep your girlfriend, how to keep your boyfriend, how to keep your significant other, long-lasting relationships, the secret to long-lasting relationships, how to have long-lasting relationships, how to make your relationship last, how to make your relationships last, how to make your relationships last forever Comments

The Vulnerability Paradox

Have you ever felt comfortable telling something intimate to your hair stylist or bartender or ride-share driver, and then finding yourself feeling warm toward them, and perhaps inclined to tip more? Have you ever developed strong feelings for someone you were dating in a low-stakes context, like someone you knew you didn’t want to be with long-term? Then you are likely familiar with what I’ve deemed “the vulnerability paradox.” According to the vulnerability paradox, a pattern I’ve noticed in myself and others, it’s often easier to open up to those we are not relatively close to, yet, the very act of opening up brings us closer.

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TIPS, STORIES, AND insPiration