10 Questions to ask your S.O. (or other loved ones) on Valentine's Day
As if figuring out what to do on Valentine’s Day isn’t hard enough, a lot of us have some additional pandemic-related parameters this year. So, we’ve come up with ideas for how to have a low-key but meaningful Valentine’s Day at home with your partner. (BONUS: If you’re not with a partner, you can absolutely pick and choose whatever pieces of this feel right to do with a friend or other loved one— we’ve even put together some adapted question prompts at the end of this to ask your friends, family, and other close people).
Before you do anything, though, we recommend that you set the mood. As Casper ter Kuile, an expert in ritual-making advises: you can go a long way in creating a meaningful vibe by just tweaking your environment. Like Casper, we’re big proponents of lighting a candle, turning off the overhead lights, and getting some lamps or fairy lights going. He also advises having some food or drink that feels special to help make an occasion feel meaningful. For Valentine’s Day, that could be a meal you make together, a sampler box of chocolates, some nice wine or fancy soda, a fun dessert, or anything else that seems appealing to the both of you that feels out-of-the-ordinary. Seriously, even if you’re at the end of your rope with pandemic fatigue, just going through the motions of putting together some of these special things can do a surprising amount to help you feel A LOT better.
Okay. So, you’ve got your lighting, you’ve got some snacks… it’s time. Make sure your significant other is actually interested in answering these, and then feel free to ask each other whichever ones you’re curious about; you don’t need to do them all to have a great night. Feel free to start asking the ones that draw your attention the most, and see where that takes you. And of course, as always, do your best to listen, put your phones on silent if possible, and remember that as we say at Skip the Small Talk events, this doesn’t need to go perfectly for it to still be pretty darn good.
In what ways do you think we’ve grown as a couple since we first started dating?
In what ways do you feel like you’ve grown as an individual since we first started dating?
Tell me about a way that I’ve positively influenced you that might surprise me.
If I could see myself through your eyes, what’s one positive thing I’d see about myself that you think might surprise me?
We all have thoughts that we don’t always tell each other. What’s a nice thought that you sometimes have about me but don’t always tell me about?
What’s something you admire about me?
Tell me about a way I make your life better just by being myself (and don’t include the ways I make your life better by doing things for you). For example, if I make your life better by doing your laundry, that would NOT count because doing your laundry IS something I do for you. But if my laugh made you enjoy watching movies more than before you met me, that WOULD count, because laughing is NOT something I do for you.
What are some of the things that you found attractive in me when we first met? How are the things that you find attractive in me now similar or different to what you first found attractive in me?
What are some of the reasons we’re compatible?
Go back and forth filling in the blank with a happy memory from your relationship: “Remember that time when…”
AND if you’re looking for some adapted questions for your friends and other close ones, here ya go! These are designed to work for pretty much anyone you know well who knows you well, too, so don’t hesitate to ask a friend to spend a Zoom hangout or roomie-date asking and answering these. We bet it’ll be one of the more interesting hangouts you’ll have together.
In what ways do you think we’ve grown as friends/family since I first came into your life?
In what ways do you feel like you’ve grown as an individual since I first came into your life?
Tell me about a way that I’ve positively influenced you that might surprise me.
If I could see myself through your eyes, what’s one positive thing I’d see about myself that you think might surprise me?
We all have thoughts that we don’t always tell each other. What’s a nice thought that you sometimes have about me but don’t always tell me about?
What’s something you admire about me?
Tell me about a way I make your life better just by being myself (and don’t include the ways I make your life better by doing things for you). For example, if I make your life better by doing your laundry, that would NOT count because doing your laundry IS something I do for you. But if my laugh made you enjoy watching movies more than before you met me, that WOULD count, because laughing is NOT something I do for you.
What are some of the things that you liked about me when we first met? How are the things that you like about me now similar or different to what you first liked about me?
What are some of the reasons we’re compatible?
Go back and forth filling in the blank with a happy memory from your relationship: “Remember that time when…”
Whatever you end up doing, we hope your Valentine’s Day is filled with love. If you do end up using these, we’d love to hear how it goes!