Why am I lonely?
Do you ever feel low or lonely, but you can’t put your finger on why? Identifying the source of your emotions is harder than it sounds, but taking the time to get to the root of those feelings just might be the key to casting them away.
1. You’re disconnected from the people you love.
Perhaps the most common cause of loneliness is… being alone. When’s the last time you saw a loved one in person or even hopped on a phone call? You might be tired, struggling with mental health, distracted, swamped with school or work — whatever the cause may be, you’ve fallen out of touch with the people who make you feel grounded and loved. Maybe you didn’t even notice until now. If this sounds like you, send a text, hop on a call, or make plans to see a loved one. Chances are that they’re missing you, too.
2. You’re stuck in the house.
It’s hard to connect with the people (or places, or things) that make you feel less lonely if you’re not getting out of the house. We all have bad brain days, exhaustion, and busy schedules, but it’s important to find ways to get out of great indoors and into the greater outdoors. You don’t have to meet up with a specific person or do a specific thing. The point is to remind yourself that there’s a whole world outside the four walls of your room, and that you are just one of many living things in it. Go for a walk and take it all in.
3. You’re isolated from your community.
This is a big one. It’s not just our closest friends and loved ones who keep us grounded, but our neighbors and community members, too. When’s the last time you struck up a conversation with a stranger? How often do you seek out opportunities for connection in your community? Nearly half of Americans don’t feel close to people in their local community, a statistic that isn’t surprising given the rapid decline in “third spaces,” or places where people gather and connect with others outside of work or the home, that has characterized the 21st Century. Taking meaningful steps to connect with people around you — through events, hobbies, volunteer work, or other activities — will help you feel grounded and in touch no matter where you are.
4. You feel a lack of purpose.
Maybe, just maybe, the existentialists got this one right. Not feeling like there’s a purpose behind your work, how you spend your time, or even the connections you make with others can leave you feeling lonely, no matter how much you try to put yourself out there. In moments like these, consider your priorities. What things do or don’t give you joy? How much time are you dedicating to the things that do? Which connections uplift you and which connections do not? Identify the people and the things that bring you joy and give you purpose and put in the work to orient your life towards the things that matter most to you.
5. You’re going through a period of change.
Last but not least is that unavoidable, all-encompassing thing we call change. Like it or not, we’re all changing all the time, in ways big or small and good or bad. Difficult changes, even when positive, can cause feelings of instability and loneliness. Maybe you’ve moved to a new city, started a new job, ended a relationship or lost a loved one. Acknowledge the feelings that these changes are bringing up for you. Ask for the support you need. Take meaningful steps to get outside and connect to others. Even when you’re feeling lonely, you shouldn’t have to go through it alone.