Why your leadership isn't inclusive

I used to think my events were inclusive.

Whenever more than one person had an item of critical feedback for the event, I would do something to change it. I thought that was enough.

It took a long time for me to realize, but I was leaving a LOT of people in the lurch.

Because here’s the problem: the people who are the most systematically oppressed and who are therefore least likely to get their needs met, are often also the least vocal about their concerns.

Think about it: the folks who are the most oppressed are often the people who rarely get all their needs met when someone who has more privilege is in charge. For example, folks with disabilities are accustomed to able-bodied event organizers not being able to accommodate their accessibility needs. Nonbinary folks are used to people trying to be welcoming by saying, “Ladies and gentlemen…” There are certain microaggressions that any oppressed person is used to, especially when more privileged people are running the show.

And generally, when oppressed folks give feedback about how an event could improve, they are more often than not gaslit or met with defensiveness.

So over time, it’s natural for more systematically oppressed folks to assume that it’s not worth the emotional energy to point out leadership shortcomings to whoever’s in charge. And if oppressed folks do decide to spend the energy to bring up a leadership problem, they are likely to understate the impact of the problem in order to reduce any harm that might come to them as a result of giving feedback.

Of course, this doesn’t apply to all folks of systematically oppressed identities; a lot of oppressed folks are, against all odds, able and willing to push through this discomfort and accept the likelihood that they will leave the interaction feeling awful, and that they will be only be rewarded with concrete change some small percentage of the time. 

But based on my experience, the majority of folks whose energy is depleted by a non-stop barrage of microaggressions aren’t privileged with that emotional energy to spare, especially given the low odds of anything good coming from it.

So the folks who are most harmed by leadership problems are often also the quietest about it.

What does that mean for privileged folks in positions of power? It means that they are, in all likelihood, severely overestimating how well they are doing at accommodating folks with less privilege. 

If you are a privileged person in a position of power, whether you’re hosting events, leading a team, or something else, here’s what you can do:

Actively solicit anonymous feedback, and specifically ask for feedback on whether there are any adjustments that would help folks feel more included. 

This can be a powerful solution because the anonymity allows for oppressed folks to feel more comfortable that they won’t receive blowback for expressing their discomfort. 

And phrasing the question in a way that demonstrates an active interest in creating an inclusive space (as opposed to phrasing the question such that it suggests that you’re just doing the bare minimum or doing this just to avoid “getting in trouble”) can make a surprising difference. You’re likely to earn more trust if you demonstrate an active, genuine interest in being more inclusive, and that trust is likely to lead to more helpful and more honest feedback. 

Once you receive feedback, I highly recommend that you take a moment to offer yourself some self-compassion and that you read our blog post on how to be bulletproof against criticism. Please, don’t skip it. Self-compassion allows for the “brain space” to optimally help others, which is hard to pull off when you’re busy focusing on chastising yourself. 

Importantly, after you receive feedback, put as much of it as possible into action as quickly as possible. This contributes to a sense of trust and comfort that is hard to come by otherwise. 

If this sounds like a lot of work, it can help to take a moment to think of what it might feel like as someone who rarely, if ever, has had leadership take their needs seriously. What a beautiful thing that you’re in a position to help.