5 Thanksgiving Icebreakers to Keep You Sane
Thanksgiving tables are notorious for explosive fights, tears, and irrevocable family divisions … well, that may be a bit dramatic perhaps - but nonetheless, Thanksgiving can lead to negative emotions and a heavy toll on your mental health. You may be going into your Thanksgiving gathering with anxiety about what topics might come up, the emotions that certain relatives may elicit in you, political leanings, references to your past that may trigger you, and more.
It can be helpful to go into your gathering and position yourself as a conversation starter rather than a follower: this gives you a little more control over the topics you discuss, allowing you to let go of a little of that anxiety. For example: when your uncle comes up to you and you anticipate a conversation coming on, jump in first with a question or topic that feels comfortable and interesting to you instead of letting him run wild with personal or intrusive questions you may just not want to deal with. You can always start with these Thanksgiving icebreakers, of course. To go a bit further and make this practice easier, below are some questions and topics for discussion that will allow you to connect more deeply with your relatives, but may take some of the focus off of you (yeah, no more of these “when are you getting married?” conversations - none of your business, Aunt Gloria!) and help you steer clear of topics that may put your mental health at risk.
What have you been watching, reading, or listening to recently?
At first read, this may come off as trivial or avoiding really talking to your relatives. This question, however, is actually an amazing way to get to know more about your loved ones’ day to day lives, interests, and tastes. It’s also a great way to find some common ground with someone you may have little else in common with. Talking about a shared love of a TV show or a book is often an incredible way to connect on a deeper level and understand someone else’s worldview, while keeping the conversation on a playing field that feels even and stable to you. If you’re feeling like you need to switch the topic, you can always jump in with: “Actually, speaking of that book, have you seen the movie ____? I think you’d really like it!”
2. What has been your favorite Thanksgiving memory thus far and why?
This question can help you reminisce together about the holidays you’ve spent together, or you can learn a story or two about holidays of your relatives’ past! If there’s a period of time or familial tension you don’t want to bring up, feel free to skip this one - but if not, it can be a fun way to learn more about someone’s life you may not have heard of otherwise.
3. Did I tell you about the project I’m working on? It’s fun, I think you’ll like hearing about it!
This gives you the option to talk about something you have going on in your life that you’re proud of and want to tell someone about. Maybe it’s a work or school project, but maybe it’s a knitting project you started, or maybe you’re working through a cookbook, or learning a new language, or singing duets with a friend in your down time! You definitely don’t need to have a project on your horizon right now (your value is not determined by productivity!) but if you do, this conversation starter allows you to talk about the things you’re doing that you’re most interested in - and not just answering the usual and sometimes upsetting or stressful questions about career/school.
4. In what ways do you feel you were able to give back this year? How do you want to give back in the coming year?
This can be a daunting question at first, for sure - but giving back is a value that almost every religion, culture, political leaning, ethnicity, and other group agree upon. And ‘tis the season, right? It can be a really connecting discussion to have with someone you feel not-so-close to, and can serve as a pertinent reminder that we’re all human beings in this world who (hopefully) want to leave our communities better than we found them in some way, even if it’s small.
5. What’s one thing about yourself, or a story, that you’ve never told your [parents/friends/aunts/uncles/etc.] but feel comfortable to now?
I know what you’re thinking: this question sounds like it should NOT be on this list, right? Hear me out! If this question is asked in jest, it can be a really funny and laid-back way to break the ice with family or friends. This might be something like, “Hmmm, well, I never told my dad that I borrowed his car, and it was actually me who scuffed his front hood and not the neighbor!” and the funny reaction that follows. Essentially, a question like this brings out the humor in your gathering and allows you to laugh at yourself and with each other. That may very well be the best part of any family or friends gathering!