Tips For Managing The Post-Valentine’s-Day Blues
Did you spend February 14th scrolling through Instagram and seeing all of the love-dovey relationship posts? Did each one feel like a dagger to the heart? Did you see an unbelievable number of people with flower bouquets walking down the street? Can you still feel the sting of not receiving one yourself? If you answered yes to any of the above you, my friend, may be suffering from the post-Valentine’s-Day Blues. If you are, don’t worry! You are most definitely not alone.
The days and weeks following the most romantically-focused day of the year can be extremely difficult for those not in a romantic relationship, those struggling with the romantic part of their life, or those going through a breakup. We have some strategies that may help you manage the complicated emotions that may be coming up below.
Focus On Gratitude
Many of us tend to zero in on what we don’t have when faced with a day like Valentine’s and the subsequent onslaught of relationship awareness posts. Try taking ten minutes to ground yourself, and write down a list of all of the things you are grateful for in your life, including non-romantic relationships and non-relational things. This way, you can take the focus off of what you don’t have in your life and can start to celebrate all the wonderful things you do have!
2. Re-Define Romantic Love
Romance is generally accepted as the ingredient that goes into a long-term partnership, and is often exclusively applied to relationships that are sexually intimate in nature. But romance encompasses so many other things: passion, affection, interest, immense care, mystery… the list goes on. These characteristics show up in SO many relationships: relationships with friends, family, pets, our loves, interests, and hobbies that don’t revolve around others, and ourselves. Try to reorient your definition of romantic love to identify where these characteristics show up in your life outside of traditional romantic relationships. I guarantee you have a lot more romance in your life than you think!
3. Explore Your Romantic Goals
If you’re feeling down about your current relationship/partnership or romantic world, that is totally normal! Whether you’re feeling lonely, frustrated by the dating scene, confused by your sexuality, or anything else: it is totally OK to not feel 100% positive and crave a partnership or something more intimate. Something that can alleviate some of these feelings is identifying what it is that you want, and taking small steps towards these goals. Try taking some time, by yourself or with a loved one or therapist, to evaluate what your ideal romantic situation is (at least in the near future) and map out some next steps to work towards this. Sometimes just the assurance that you’re working towards change and that you have agency over your own life can help minimize the feelings of anxiety and dissatisfaction.
4. Talk It Out
Sometimes we don’t need a solution to something we’re struggling with - we just need someone to listen to us. Whether it’s to a friend, a therapist, a family member, or other person in your support system, try asking them if they have the capacity to listen to a challenge you're facing. If they say yes, try talking out the emotions that have come up for you about Valentine’s Day. If you’d like advice, feel free to ask for it. If advice wouldn’t be helpful for you at this time, make sure to mention that at the beginning of the conversation. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing the emotions you’re feeling with someone, you may have a similar release from writing your thoughts down in a journal. Getting your feelings out somewhere outside of your own mind can be a relief, and can help you make sense of what those feelings really are and what they might mean moving forward in your life.