How to Make Your Professional Relationships More Personal
Is there a professor, boss, higher-ranking colleague, or another figure of authority in your life that you’d like to build a relationship with? It can be tricky to think about how to connect with someone who has power or authority over you - but it can often be so fulfilling in terms of your career, personal development, education, and social development.
Your boss or your professor may be older or further along in their life paths, meaning that they might be someone from whom you could learn about potential opportunities, career or schooling paths, and new ideas to consider. They could also be someone you find interesting or fun to talk to, and you may simply want to get to know them better and form a friendship! Whatever the reason, it’s never a bad idea to find a way to connect with the authority figures in your life on a deeper level.
Read on for strategies and questions that you can use to start connecting with authority figures in your life.
1. Set up a regular time to connect with them in a one-on-one or small group setting.
Seeing someone regularly in a setting that’s conducive to connecting at least somewhat on a personal level is key to establishing a rapport, and slowly building to a deeper connection. This could look like setting up a weekly or biweekly check-in meeting with your boss, going to office hours, requesting a separate in-person or Zoom meeting, or inviting your boss/professor/authority figure for a coffee to pick their brain about ______.
2. Try to get out of the “networking” mindset.
Yes, networking is important - but the hope is that you already have some sort of relationship with your boss, colleague, or professor. Building a connection with them that feels more personal and meaningful means stepping out of the networking/work zone when it comes to conversation. You can find some good questions later in this list that attempt to cross into the personal from work-related, while maintaining that professional respect.
3. Take notice of what your boss does well and ask them about it.
Particularly for a work setting, it can be beneficial both to your professional development and connection. Try asking: “I really liked how you handled or responded to ___________. Can I ask about your thinking or experience behind that decision or outcome?” This is a good opportunity for them to open up about their past experiences - professionally and personally - and connect with you.
4. Try asking: “Happy holidays! What are you and your family up to during this break? Do you have any holiday traditions you like to keep?”
This will give the person an opportunity to talk about something specific to their family and personal context. You can engage by offering something up from your holiday traditions as well.
5. Try saying: “I know you mentioned the other day that you liked to do __________. That’s so cool, I’d love to hear more about that!”
This shows the person that you’re interested in them as a human with interests, and that you want to know more about them. They will appreciate it - and most people love talking about their interests!
6. Try asking: “What are you reading, watching, or listening to right now?”
Starting a conversation about media is a great step, because it’s one of the best chances that you have some common ground. (So many people watched Game of Thrones, right?). In other words: in theory, it will be easier to find something in common that you can chat about (besides work, career, or school) if you’re talking about TV, books, or podcasts. Once you’re chatting about your favorite shows and reads, it’s a lot easier for an organic conversation to flow while you get to know each other a little better - and who knows where it will take you.
7. Ask follow-up questions!
Often in a team meeting, class, one-on-one meeting, or other setting, your boss/professor will share a tidbit about themselves that grabs your attention. And so often in these settings, we breeze right past it. Try your best to be open and curious; if the person says something interesting, ask a follow-up question to learn more!
8. If you’ve picked up anything about them personally, and you happen to see something in your internet searches/scrolls, try sending it to them in an email or text.
This will show them you appreciated engaging with them about their personal interests or background, and that you have more that you want to connect about! For example: if your psychology professor mentions that they love to paint as a hobby and you scroll past an article about an art therapy collective in your town, try sending it to them in an email - this will start a conversation and help build your rapport.