Are You Shocked By Re-entry? Here Are My Tools For Dealing With Life "After" COVID
Two years ago, the US went into its first lockdown. Now, whether or not it’s the wisest choice, the country is approaching a pre-pandemic-like existence. There is still a lot of risk, the number of COVID-19 cases are not the lowest they have ever been, and while treatment is more successful, that doesn’t take into account higher-risk populations. This grand re-opening is not necessarily happening worldwide, but people are starting to see restrictions eased in the US and several other countries. Data is showing that some people may have trouble adjusting while returning to a more “normal” life, even where risk factors are minimized.
Re-Entry Anxiety & COVID-19
I didn't see it coming at all.
March 2020 was isolating. I had just returned from international travel, and I was SICK. I had close to zero human contact for a solid month. However, after that, my local partner, pseudonym Albany, and I organically worked toward pandemic-ing together. Though I did lose my job, the lack of commuting two hours each way helped me save money, and I moved back to my hometown (yikes!) to help keep my parents alive and comfortable. My friends and I had Jackbox game nights. I spent as much time outside as possible. I continued to travel as safely as I could. I even went to a couple of concerts eventually. Masked. Vaccinated. Boosted. Frequently tested. I don't know if I will ever enter a grocery store without a mask on my face. I have higher risks with chronic asthma and an auto-immune disorder. I’ve had the pneumonia vaccine since I was 30 years old. Fortunately, I didn't get COVID until my partner returned to work in a school in January 2022.
Over the past two years, I had more bandwidth for self-reflection, stayed in therapy, and unpacked a LOT of stuff for myself, including my relationship to work. So, I was shocked to find myself utterly thrown off in 2022 by even the most minor social interactions. This didn't happen in 2020 or 2021. At least, if it did, it felt…mutual, like we were all in "this" together (at least socially). But, now, the world is moving forward or backward or sideways into some new normal, and I find myself lost like I don't know who I am or how I am to exist in society anymore.
Have you felt this? Doesn’t it feel unnerving, like, “Isn't this the anxiety I should have felt last year?!” While I suppose my lizard brain was mainly focused on surviving during the previous two years, I recently realized I did have the capacity to prepare for this; I just didn't know what "this" was. I had expected to run into all of my mental health challenges during the peak of isolation, not now. So, I reached out to my community and was introduced to the phenomena: re-entry anxiety.
What Is Re-Entry Anxiety?
Re-entry anxiety is not a phenomenon specific to COVID-19. It is a matter of disordered adjustment, AKA the anxiety caused by re-entering a space where you haven't been for some time. That means that people who have been isolated for an extended period for any reason - prolonged sickness, work, domestic violence - may experience the short or long-term effects of re-entry anxiety. I say phenomena because it's not just one symptom or set of feelings. However, general anxiety is a major factor.
Common anxiety symptoms include racing thoughts, worries that feel out of control, trouble concentrating, muscle tension, an increased heart rate, avoidance, restlessness, irritability, fatigue, and difficulties getting quality sleep. According to the American Psychological Association, Americans are now experiencing the highest stress levels since April 2020, with 84% of adults reporting feeling at least one emotion associated with prolonged stress in the past 2 weeks (anxiety 47%, sadness 44%, and anger 39%).
Tips For How to Manage Re-Entry Anxiety Include:
Acknowledging and naming what you are feeling
Breathing and grounding yourself in the present moment
Identifying small action steps
Determining what's in your control
Finding meaning
Getting support
There are also a lot of practical steps for pacing yourself as the world "re-opens." However, I have also found some specific tools and resources beneficial. More on that below.
A Little (ok, a LOT) About Me
I recently started reading Pleasure Activism, and I have appreciated adrienne maree brown's introduction, where she achieves what most introductions strive for with more depth and transparency than I have ever witnessed. She outlines her intentions and her "identities, contradictions, practices and desire" to build trust with the reader. In that same spirit, here is a short summary of my biases, experiences, and narratives that influence my belief systems and views of the world.
I am a queer, polyamorous, genderqueer, cis white woman approaching 40. I grew up in the suburbs of Boston (close to southern NH), physically close to my family of former farmers that considered themselves poor while not really poor. I periodically experience generally mild, but sometimes severe and visible, auto-immune disorder symptoms. I am constantly processing through my neurodivergence, LOTS of PTSD, bits of relationship OCD, and loads of trauma. I am pro-Black, much to my family's dismay. At the same time, I am the primary caregiver for my aging parents (yes, both of them). I tend to process aloud (by default), and I am a horror fan who loves to garden and travel.
While these truths shape my identity and how I want to build community, I am also relatively privileged and white with direct access to wealth. I am often supported by communities, sometimes regardless of whether or not I am a part of them. I am considered highly employable, I teach as a homeschooler for a local family, I work part-time as a marketing consultant, and I participate in capitalism regularly. I am a first-generation college graduate, having (mistakenly) gone to a private institution. I am also a car owner and can be somewhat hyperbolic. I tried to tone that down a bit here.
All of this shapes the value I see in resources. My OCD diagnosis is very recent. I have two BIPOC partners. I started fully embracing my choices to explore polyamory less than a year before COVID shut down the world. Everything changed during some pivotal moments in my life, and those pivotal moments didn't stop mattering. So I chose, and had the bandwidth, to keep certain things from going on pause. I threw myself into gardening and figuring out what I could do to move toward the fleeting feelings of thriving, not just surviving. As my partner, pseudonym Orlando (a nod to the movie Four Christmases), once said, I have a lot of "creativity fueled by necessity," and I think it's essential that you know what fueled my choices, and why these particular websites, podcasts, and tools have spoken to me.
Most of these resources are free (or have free components). Some of them are funded by Patreon communities, which I hope you consider joining if you have the means. I use Amazon for items that require purchase, noted with a “$” before and after such links.
So, in no particular order...
My Favorite Tools For Dealing With Life “After” COVID
Relationships | OCD | Escapism | Black-Centered | Organizing | Caregiving | Self-Growth | Gardening | Sexy Time
1. For My Inter-Personal & Romantic Relationships…
I am polyamourous. However, that means different things to different people. I also have a lot of monogamous friends, I am open to dating monogamous partners, and I center my friendships as chosen family in my life. That being said, I love resources that include everyone, when possible. So, everything I reference here is just as relevant to monogamous relationships as they are to polyamorous ones.
That’s why I used to be a big fan of the Savage Lovecast. While Dan paved the way for a new language (Monogamish) and created a space that felt safe for me to explore alternatives to the ways I was taught to relationship, I no longer find that his predominately white, cis, male perspective aligns with my own experience of the world. Enter Multiamory.
Multiamory: Podcast & Transcripts
While all of the hosts of Multiamory are white (and so is most of their team), I appreciate the show’s efforts to actively amplify all voices and perspectives while often recognizing the limits of their own. Multiamory is a resource of resources. They offer new ideas and advice for multiple forms of love: everything from conscious monogamy to consensual polyamory and radical relationship anarchy. Their content is often well-researched, they cite their sources, and they make an effort to acknowledge the flaws in the research.
I haven’t come close to listening to the entire library, but some of my favorite episodes (so far) include:
340 - Polyamory and Therapy (with Martha Kauppi) - Really, this is a GREAT resource for all couples (not just polyam) and therapy.
343 - Autism, Neurodiversity, and Relationships with Stevie Lang
You can read transcripts on their website if you prefer reading over listening or reading while you listen. Plus, all $ Patrons $ are invited to join their private Facebook and Discord groups. Full disclosure, I am a Video Discussion Group Member, which allows me to participate in a monthly meetup with other folks at this Membership level. However, Multiamory began hosting some free virtual meetups for ALL listeners during the lockdown, something I believe they continue to offer.
Additional Relationship Coaches & Influencers
Phoebe Philips runs Polyammering, which is a blog that covers a broad range of topics including kink, sex, relationships, polyamory, mono + polyam, personal growth, and politics. Phoebe, who is white and identifies as monogamous, also used to host a podcast for those who prefer to listen to content.
Evita Sawyers (@lavitaloca34) is a Black non-monogamy coach, speaker, educator, as well as creator of “Today’s Polyamory Reminder.” Her Instagram also features reviews of sex toys and an occasional glimpse into her own kink community. Evita is also a guest in Episode 310 of Multiamory. No matter your relationship style, check out her Reminders series. It will blow your mind. And, if you have the means, $ become a Patron $.
Alicia Bunyan Samson (@polyamorousblackgirl) does trauma-informed polyamorous advocacy, based in Canada. Again, regardless of your relationship style, check out her Instagram videos, especially regarding abuse. And $ send her some compensation $.
Queering Polyamory (@queeringpolyamory) is an intersectional polyamory and relationship anarchy resource currently focused on under-discussed topics from a perspective of lived experience, especially in terms of ableism and inaccessibility. Again, this is a great resource to explore ableism and accessibility within any type of relationship or space, not just polyamorous.
2. For My Relationship OCD (R-OCD)…
As I mentioned, understanding my OCD is a recent part of my journey. I'm working to explore what R-OCD truly is, how I am impacted by it, and what resources are available. It’s something that’s genuinely hard to describe, but concisely, R-OCD refers to relationship-centered and partner-focused obsessive-compulsive symptoms. The condition can create repetitive thoughts that center on doubts or fears about the relationship, not limited to romantic relationships.
NOCD [pronounced: “No - CD” as a portmanteau of “no OCD”] has been central to this process for me. NOCD is an app and website that acts as a portal to access therapists that specialize in the treatment of OCD, group therapy, and forums.
NOCD: Website | App Store | Google Play
My favorite part of NOCD is the OCD support groups. They are all virtual, free, and led by a NOCD therapist in 60-minute intervals. You need some access to WiFi or a mobile phone in a private space, but you don't need the app or any formal relationship with NOCD aside from logging in to join groups. There are three to a dozen groups running Monday - Saturday with consistent, niche, and varied focus. This is based in the US, so time zones may be limited.
Free Support Groups include, but are not limited to:
LGBTQ+ Support Group, meets every Monday
Creativity In OCD, meets every Wednesday
Relationship OCD, meets every Wednesday
OCD/ADHD, meets every Thursday
New to OCD, meets every Thursday
Managing Religious OCD, meets every Thursday
Supporting Others Who Have OCD, meets every Friday
Navigating Self & Values In OCD Recovery, meets every Saturday
Suppose you're not enthusiastic about face-to-face social interaction right now, virtual or otherwise. In that case, the NOCD Community (functions like a forum) is also a free resource for interacting or reading. They also host virtual expert talks once a week. In addition, you can book a free consultation through the app along with paid therapy sessions with a counselor that is is locally based and may be covered by your insurance.
Workbooks:
Though I tend to process out loud more often than not, I value my "me" space. Sometimes, I am working through things that I do not want to be witnessed, at least not until I am ready. I have found workbooks useful for when I am in this space. I start with reading and eventually work my way into writing, usually with a pencil or $ an erasable pen $.
The Mindfulness Workbook was particularly helpful in gaining some initial understanding of "newer" types of OCD, such as relationship OCD and narratives with OCD symptoms outside of the typical manifestations that most other literature will reference.
3. My Escapism…
Some of us need an occasional get away…mentally. For me, a good zombie or apocalyptic film will do the trick. Even a bad one. I find them cathartic to watch, especially shows like The Haunting of Bly Manor. However, I recognize that horror films can be more traumatizing than helpful for some. These are books and podcasts that I have really enjoyed, some horror-themed while others are not.
Though I have linked to Amazon for convenience, please consider ordering books from Frugal Bookstore, a Black-owned business in Dudley Square, Roxbury, MA. It may take longer than Amazon to receive your orders, but you can message them about any book (whether or not it is on the website), and they will find it and ship it to you. The book has to be currently in print and to have been assigned an ISBN number.
Books
Bloodchild, Octavia Butler: This collection of short stories is described as "a perfect introduction for new readers and a must-have for avid fans" of Octavia Butler and I couldn't agree more. Many of these stories are dystopian sci-fi with "an unblinking pessimist hoping to be proven wrong."
Ring Shout, P. Djèlí Clark: The story is "a dark fantasy historical novella" that follows Maryse Boudreaux on her quest to hunt and destroy the demons summoned by the Ku Klux Klan known as "Ku Kluxes." She is joined by fellow hunters Sadie Watkins and Cordelia Lawrence as a supernatural evil is rising in an alternate history of 1920s Macon, Georgia. Clark was inspired by various aspects of his previous research experience, the music of the ring shout practice (in short, a specific kind of spiritual expression in dance), the Gullah culture, and the controversial 1915 film, The Birth of a Nation, as he developed the novella.
Podcasts
The No Sleep Podcast: This IS a horror podcast. However, every episode contains content warnings in the show notes. Bonus! A lot of the cast and many of the storylines are LGBTQIA+. Some stories are fit for even the most squeamish. I used to play stories that I reviewed and curated for my 10-year-old stepson.
Lovecraft Radio: A few disclosures. This is an HBO-run podcast. It is ALSO related to horror, centered around the show Lovecraft Country. However, I have listened to every episode at least twice and documented all of the "homework" assignments mentioned by the hosts. (The homework is everything from recommended books and essays, to other shows and artists that explore horror and Black culture. I'd be happy to share if you email me.) I cannot get enough of listening to Ashley C. Ford and Lovecraft Country writer Shannon Houston share their thoughts on the ties between the horror genre and Black culture, and I love hearing them explore how Lovecraft Country’s themes connect to contemporary social issues.
Dolly Parton's America: Dolly Parton's America is a 2019 podcast hosted by Jad Abumrad. It is a nine-part non-fiction series based on Dolly Parton's career and enduring legacy. The series begins with how Abumrad learned that his father, Naji Abumrad, a doctor, had befriended Parton after she survived a minor traffic accident. Each episode covers a different aspect of Parton's career, from her early life, to her unique approach to politics, her most famous songs, and creation of the Dollywood theme park. Think “Serial” or “This American Life” in terms of style. Fair warning, I was disappointed by the ending, but still worth the ride.
You're Wrong About: Mike and Sarah are journalists obsessed with the past. Every week, they reconsider an event, person, or phenomenon that's been miscast in the public imagination. This is another audio series that feels like you're invited to witness a (very well researched and outlined) conversation between friends.
Last but not least, I do want to mention a saving grace I didn't know I needed. However, this was an expensive investment. Both of my partners pitched in to make it happen, and I am eternally grateful. My $$ Skull Candy ANC Crusher Headphones $$ have meant that I can stay connected while I garden, chat handsfree while I cook, or lend them to Albany to block out sound in a noisy social environment. My best tip for these is to shop around for pricing.
I hope you have found something useful here. If not yet, there's more to come!