How to Live With Roommates
The water bill is overdue. The dishes are piling up in the sink. There’s a stranger sleeping on your couch. There’s a strange smell coming from the back corner of the fridge. You hear your phone go off. One ping, then two, then more and more until your phone is flooded with increasingly intense messages:
Whose [POSSESSION] is [NOT WHERE IT SHOULD BE]?
Can someone please do [CLEANING TASK ONE SPECIFIC ROOMMATE HAS NOT DONE]?
Did someone eat my [PERSONAL FOOD]?
Is it alright if my [PARTNER/RELATIVE/FRIEND] stays for [INSERT EXTENDED AMOUNT OF TIME]?
Unless you’ve struck the roommate lottery, chances are you’ve received at least one of these texts at some point in your apartment-renting life. (You might even be drowning in them as we speak.) If this is you, don’t fret! There is a way forward. Read on for tips on building a happy, healthy home.
1. Choose Your Roommates Carefully
Imagine you are a tidy early riser with a cat allergy who works from home. Your ideal roommate is probably not a late sleeper with three cats and an aversion to doing their dishes in a timely fashion. The key to a healthy roommate situation is to be clear about your housing preferences before you move in. Sleep schedule. Work schedule. Chore preferences. Pets. Social life. You want to share enough information to give them a feel for what living with you is like, and vice versa. Living with your bestie might sound like a blast, but even the strongest of friendships can falter under the pressures of trash and laundry. Seeking out roommates with similar preferences to yours minimizes the risk of conflict from the start.
2. Write a Roommate Contract
There’s a reason they make so many college RAs force freshmen to write roommate contacts: they can really work! Whether you’re moving in with new roommates or you’re looking for a way to vocalize new living preferences without having conflict, it’s never a bad time to draw up a “roommate contract.” This is where you make your dish rules, chore rules, quiet hours, and whatever other written or verbal agreements will help make your home a happy place for all. When everyone lives according only to their own preferences, there’s a higher potential for conflict. By vocalizing your needs directly, you can set boundaries, learn more about your roommates, and make compromises to make all roommates feel as comfortable as possible. And even if you all agree that noise is okay after midnight, you just might keep it quiet for the light sleeper upstairs.
3. Roomie Bonding
Now that the boring stuff is out of the way, it’s time to have some fun! Roommates don’t have to be friends, but a little bonding never hurt anyone. Try and find some time in your schedules to spend together: cook dinner, play a game, watch a movie. Start a TV show together — the more episodes the better — and watch impromptu on nights everyone is staying in. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just something to do to get to know one another better and spend time together in your shared home. And if bonding activities aren’t quite your jam, a quick hello in the hallway can go a long way.
4. Be Honest, Be Respectful, and Check In
Nobody is perfect. We all have bad days. It’s normal to put off a few dishes or forget a chore or make a little bit of noise. If you’re having a rough time, try to be honest with the people you live with. If it seems like one of your roommates is having a rough time, consider reaching out and checking in. Don’t be afraid to ask for a helping hand, or at the very least a little extra time. It’s important to give grace, but if you do find yourself in a position where someone is not consistently holding up their end of your agreement, speak with them directly and see if you can find a solution. All told, communication is the natural enemy of conflict, the golden rule! Respect other people’s needs and boundaries and they will (we hope) respect yours!!