How To Feel Less Lonely
… When Human Connection Isn’t Accessible
We all feel lonely sometimes, or often. When this happens, our first instinct may be to search for a way to find human connection. But what about when human connection isn’t an option? Maybe you’re sick, isolated with Covid-19, or in a solitary work situation. Maybe you’re at the beginning of the process of building community and making connections, or simply not feeling ready for or in the headspace of engaging with people. Whatever the reason, sometimes experiencing human connection isn’t an option for alleviating feelings of loneliness. It’s helpful to have some other ways to fill your time and be intentional about managing the loneliness you feel.
Do an activity “with” someone - via podcasts or videos
You may not have a companion that’s accessible to you, but choosing an activity and pairing it with a podcast, Youtube video, soundtrack, etc. is a great way to curb your feelings of loneliness and create a sense of connection as you go about your day.
This may look like:
Going for a long walk and listening to a podcast (you may want to check out this list of particularly chatty podcasts, which can make you feel even more connected. Or, check out our list of reads and listens to feel more alive!)
Eating a meal while watching a Youtube video. Has anyone heard of a “mukbang”? It’s when Youtube-ers get together and eat a big meal and just chat. It’s a super weird concept, but oddly entertaining. And it really makes you feel like you’re eating a meal with friends!
Doing an at-home workout where you’re following along to a group fitness class or even Zoom-ing into a live one. There are tons on Youtube and many gyms/fitness establishments offer virtual classes!
These tactics can help flex the muscles that may be dormant while you’re getting less human connection - and can provide some company and serotonin as you do your daily activities!
2. Write down memories that make you smile
If loneliness is present in your life for a while, it can start to feel like extended sadness or depression - and you may start to forget that this state is not permanent. Writing down some joyful memories, perhaps involving loved ones or meaningful connections, can serve as a reminder that feelings of connection and belonging exist for you and you will feel them again. If you’ve always struggled with feeling connected and like you belong, you’re not alone - and if recalling positive connections feels tricky, try writing down memories that make you smile involving your hobbies and interests, your favorite places, your favorite foods, your pet(s), etc.
3. Have a solo dance party!
While it’s important to be intentional about addressing our feelings of loneliness, it’s also critical to remind ourselves that we still deserve to have fun! Throw on some of your favorite tunes and have a dance party in your bedroom. This can help you feel connected to your body, yourself, the music you love - and it may spark memories that can help alleviate some of the feelings of loneliness. You’d be surprised how quickly a solo dance party can put a smile on your face!
4. Engage with an online community
No, I’m not talking about Zoom calls (though this is a great tactic if that’s accessible or of interest to you). There are plenty of other ways to engage online without a one-on-one connection: a discussion forum about an interest of yours; reading and engaging with blogs that discuss topics you care about (ahem, ahem, Skip the Small Talk’s blog might be a good place to start). Does anyone remember Club Penguin? That was huge for me when I was young and definitely helped me feel less lonely when I was struggling! Don’t forget about these resources - Reddit forums, apps like Goodreads and Musicboard, and more are fantastic ways to connect with others about the things you love in a low-stakes and less anxiety-producing environment.
5. Connect with furry friends
If you have a pet, great! You’re already reaping the benefits of this one. If you don’t have a pet but tend to enjoy time with animals, this can be huge in reducing feelings of loneliness and improving your mental health in general. This doesn’t mean you have to adopt a puppy (though go for it if you’re able!). There are other ways to spend time with animals apart from having one of your own. Try looking for an animal shelter or pet store that’s looking for volunteers. You can also join services like Rover or Wag where you can find people looking for pet-sitters or dog-walkers so you can spend some time with animals without the commitment (and bring in some cash while you’re at it!)
6. Research and plan
While human connection may not be an option right now and it’s beneficial to employ tactics to feel healthy and well while you’re solo, you may be feeling ready to think more intentionally about engaging in more human connection going forward. It may be helpful to start doing some research about strategies and resources you can use to do this. Researching local organizations or community groups you can join, gyms or fitness classes that are community-driven, groups or Meetups that are geared towards your hobbies and interests, apps that facilitate friendships or romantic connections, Skip the Small Talks, of course, brainstorming people from your past or acquaintances you want to re-connect with - the list goes on! Starting to research, brainstorm, and plan for ways to add connection into your life can help alleviate some of the heavier emotions that come along with loneliness. It may give you a sense of control and again, remind you that loneliness is not a permanent state.
Still want some more support? You can also check out some of our CBT-inspired tips for reducing loneliness here.