That’s right, this week we’re breaking down The B Word. (No, not that “B word.”) I’m talking about that dreaded, dating alarm bell that few of us are excited to ring. Maintaining a healthy relationship takes time and attention. It requires a shared vision that grows and changes with the people involved. If that sounds like work to you, it’s because it is. It might be your dream job. If it’s not, you have to choose between sticking it out or calling it quits. But remember, breakups don’t have to be bad! I repeat: Breakups. Don’t. Have. To. Be. Bad. We all need a fresh start sometimes. Here’s some help for knowing when to take the leap. 

1. You’re not communicating

Communication breakdown is a telltale sign of a relationship on the rocks. Even the healthiest of relationships have their challenges. A key difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship is the ability of partners to resolve conflict through communication. If you aren’t listening to or being listened to by your partner, you won’t be able to sustainably work through disagreements. If you aren’t getting along, you aren’t happy, and communication can’t be salvaged, it’s possible that your relationship has run its course.

2. You want different things

City mouse vs. country mouse. Introvert vs. extrovert. Vegan vs. carnivore. These are silly examples of differences, but the point is that a successful relationship typically involves some kind of shared values and goals. There are some differences in life that, try as you might, can’t be resolved. If you and your partner want things for your lives or have communication or lifestyles that cannot coexist and that you cannot compromise on, then you may not be a long-term fit. 

3. You don’t want to spend time with your partner

See also: You are happier when you are not spending time with your partner.

Tough love here: If you don’t want to spend time with the person you’re dating… it might be a sign… that you shouldn’t be dating! Does spending time together feel like a chore? Are you avoiding your partner, your shared friends, or even your shared home? This is true for serious relationships and casual relationships alike. You don’t have to spend all your time together, but if you find yourself not wanting to spend any time together, it might be time to make that space permanent. 

4. Your friends don’t like the person you’re dating

Sometimes our friends know us better than we know ourselves. While it’s impossible to know the full context of a relationship in the third person, we can gain a lot of insight from a bird’s eye view. If your trusted loved ones seem a bit reticent — or if they’ve outright told you that they’re worried or skeptical of your relationship — it’s worth asking and listening to why. They might affirm feelings you already had, or inspire new ones. Remember, they have your best interests at heart. 

5. You want to break up 

Knowing that you want to end your relationship and ending your relationship are two very different things. There’s a misconception that if you’re going to initiate a break-up, you need to have a reason. It’s not kind to yourself nor is it kind to who you are involved with to stay in a relationship you know you want to leave. If this is you, give yourself some grace and trust your gut. You deserve to be happy. That’s reason enough. 

What relationship advice do you turn to in difficult times?